Newsletter Stories

11/27/02
"The Flight Of The Turkey"

You would think that strapping a turkey on the back of your bike and riding to the starting point would be no big deal. For most people, I'm sure that was true. For me, it was a little more exciting. Have you ever heard that old saying that says something about "the best laid plans"? Well, I had good plans, but I must have had a turkey fresh out of Houdini's escape artist school. I took my frozen friend and placed him on the back of Mrs. C's bike, securing him with a couple of bungee's for the ride to St. Vinny's. I knew he was a little slick as a result of his cryogenic state, but I thought that he would be secure for the duration of the ride. So off we go to top off our tanks with gas and head to our starting point.

As I am riding behind Mrs. C., I notice that my featherless friend is attempting to make a break for freedom. It appears that this turkey is not living up to the reputation of being the dumbest animal on the planet. He is actually using his frozen state to slip through the bungee cords and make his escape. As I was making my attempt to catch up with Mrs. C. to alert her of the impending calamity, she ran directly over a recessed manhole cover. You guessed it! For the first time ever, my fine frozen featherless friend with no head was now in the midst of his first flight ever. Facing the insurmountable odds of 100% gravity and 0% lift, my former flawless frozen turkey came crashing to the pavement and rolled end over end for about 50 yards. Not even a 40 mph headwind and being launched from the back of a V-Rod was able to help my friend in his quest to successfully fly for more than just a few seconds.

I quickly stopped and went back to retrieve my fallen bird and to survey the damage. Really wasn't too bad considering the ride he had taken. The only visible damage was a few abrasions and a broken neck. But the neck thing probably happened when that turkey farmer caught up with him a couple of weeks ago. In the end, I guess this turkey did uphold the less than intelligent reputation of the species. Why else would a bird that has no head, no feathers and is frozen try to fly off the back of a motorcycle?