Newsletter Stories

9/4/02
"Stupid Motorcycle Tricks"

You know, riding a motorcycle is somewhat of an enigma. It seems easy enough on paper. All you have to do is straddle 650 pounds of steel and balance it on 2 wheels until you get going. And when you are getting ready to stop you do it all in reverse. Sounds pretty simple doesn't it? Then why do you have to go through 3 days of training at T.E.A.M. Arizona to ride a motorcycle? To drive a car all you have to do is go to the MVD, answer a few questions, parallel park, ride around the block with a gray haired man, get your picture taken and you are on your way. I have recently answered that question. It's to hopefully get all of the stupid things you can do on a bike out of the way before it really counts. I guess Ron figures the longer he can keep you there, the less damage you might do to your own bike. Since I haven't taken the class, I guess I had a few things stored up.

Have you ever had a really dumb incident on your bike that you just can't believe that you could have made that mistake? I have heard several of them over the last few years and a few of them I performed myself. When you are displaying this kind of move you try to do it in an area where you don't have to prove to a lot of people that you can make a stupid mistake.

Here a few of the common ones, see if any of these sound familiar:

You pull up in a crowded parking lot to register for a poker run. You thought you had the kickstand all the way down and lean your bike over and over and over, until it is resting gently on the handlebars and tank. You try to explain how you really did put it down, but it mysteriously popped back up without your knowledge.

You are parked in front of the crowded Billet Bar on a Sunday afternoon. You try starting your bike in gear, it promptly learches ahead like it is your first day of drivers ed with a stick shift. If you are lucky, you didn't dump it. You quickly blame your buddy for pulling a practical joke on you.

You take off with your kickstand down and promptly try to make a left turn. You will find on page 42 in your riders manual that riding with your kickstand down and turning left is not recommended.

You are trying to get the coolest spot to park your bike. You are backing your bike up a slight incline, hit some sand and lose your footing. 3 guys promptly show up to help get the bagger back up on its wheels. Monday you order the lowering kit.

You are the lead rider in your group. You are staring at a skunk that is fresh road kill. Where do we tend to steer to when we are looking at something in the road? Ron?? You are right. Exactly where we are looking. Directly over the skunk. The other riders have now made you the last one in your group.

You are at Casey Jones at bike night. Several of you are getting ready to head to Scottsdale. The motor is started, the kickstand is up, and you THINK you are ready to go. Your buddy nods at you to take the lead. To make and impressive exit, you give it the gas, pop the clutch and UH OH! You forgot to take the Disc Lock off of the front wheel. After you pick yourself up off the ground you call for a trailer to take your bike to the shop. (Wasn't me)

These are just a few of the crazy things I have seen or actually had happen. But since motorcycles don't balance themselves or make us go through a checklist, things like this are going to happen sooner or later. So for those of you that have performed some of these incidents yourself and don't want to feel alone, I have something from the misery loves company file. I intentionally left out this popular OOPS that I performed myself.

About 6 weeks ago little Ms. C. was using my car to go to work. She followed directions specifically and parked in an end space in the parking lot to minimize door dings. I had to use the car so I rode the V-Rod up to switch it out. It was perfect because I could just ride up behind the car, pull the car out to the left and replace it with the bike. I locked the fork, set the alarm and I was off. I returned about an hour later to make the switch in reverse. I got out of the car, walked the bike out of the space to the left and replaced it with the car. All very quick and easy.

This is where the brain took a small break. Since I had to take a sharp left and then a quick right to get out of the parking lot, I had no reason to straighten out the fork on the bike. You are starting to see what is coming aren't you? So I got on the bike, started it, put the kickstand up and took off. Next thing I know is that I am laying in the grass median looking back at seeing my nice shiny V-Rod laying on its side on the asphalt. Not a pretty picture. It threw me off of that thing like a sling shot. I was trying to go right and the fork was locked to the left. Damage done was a bent frame section, grip, brake lever, scratched heat shield and a bruised ego. Fortunately there were no witnesses around to share my pain. I picked up the bike and was able to ride it home. $400 later it was good as new. The only good news was that it gave me the opportunity to upgrade the grips and the levers. OK that's a stretch, the good news was that it didn't happen in the middle of a crowded event.

Since telling this story to a few people, I found out that I didn't invent this accident. I have since talked to a couple of people that have done the same thing, but in a crowded motorcycle gathering. So for those of you that have been a victim of your brain taking a few moments off, I feel your pain.