Newsletter Stories

12/5/01
"The Attack Of The Birds"

Have any of you ever been riding down the road and saw a bird fly by fairly close and wonder what would happen if the birds navigational system was having a bad day and actually flew into you? After finishing up the ride we stopped and got some lunch in Scottsdale and headed back to the West side. We were heading west on the Loop 101 at about 59th ave. My daughter Sommer and I were in the lead and Mrs. C. was right behind. We were doing about 70 mph down the road when out of the corner of my eye I see this Dove flying right toward me. I mean this guy was so close, I could tell you what color eyes he had. At the very last second I finally realized this very disoriented Dove was about to plant his beak right between my eyes. So I quickly ducked my head to the left and the bird flew by unscathed....or so I thought!

When we reached the exit ramp Sommer asked me, what was that? I said it was a bird, did you see that? She said no, but something hit me in the helmet pretty hard. So when we got home, Mrs. C. informed us that she saw the whole thing from behind. The bird came flying across the lanes from right to left, I ducked and it hit Sommer in the helmet. She said when it hit her helmet it looked like the thing exploded. There was a big mushroom cloud of feathers going everywhere. She even ducked down behind her windshield to keep from getting hit in the face with feathers and bird guts. Sommer and I had no idea all of this had taken place. But apparently it was very amusing for Mrs. C. to see all of this from behind. Needless to say, it was a bad day for the bird, he didn't make it. It must have been a graduate of the Kansas State school of Aeronautics. But we were all fine.

Part 2, The Next Week

You guys are not going to believe this one. I'm sure you all remember the story from last week about the bird hitting my daughter in the helmet on the 101. Well, these birds around here must think they are auditioning for an Alfred Hitchcock movie, "The Birds, Part 2". They must have somehow gotten the casting call for stunt birds and they think I am the director. Someone must have told them to go look for a blue Titan riding down the road and show him how flippin' crazy you are. Maybe these are Arizona birds and the cold weather is affecting their better judgment. I don't know what it is, but it is getting nuts.

On Monday afternoon I was just leaving my house riding up my street at about 30 mph when I see a pigeon sitting in the middle of my lane. I don't know what these guys find so appealing in the middle of the road that they can't find in the gutter, but you never see them trolling on the side of the road. Anyway, I am approaching this pigeon and I am thinking he is going to move like they always do, you know, at the last second, right? Wrong! This guy decides to play chicken with me, even though he is a pigeon. About the time my front wheel got within about 2 feet of him he decided he had enough and flew up straight up running into my left hand on the handlebar. I quickly slowed down and turned to see what the fate of this bird was going to be. He was flying like Foster Brooks walking out of a bar at closing time. But he did make it to the rooftop of the house across the street. As I have said before, what about our deal with these pigeons? They get out of the way of our vehicles, and we look the other way on the statue defecation issue. Unbelievable! If I see a goose flying in front of me I'm going to pull over until the coast is clear.